Introduction.

I don't write diaries. What I mean is that I haven't written such a thing in the past, ever. I tried back in 1984 or so but I couldn't conceive of an audience for whom I would be setting down my thoughts. It lasted for five pages I seem to remember. I never returned to it. So, why now ? Why indeed.

Well, during the last module of the Marlin course we have been asked to keep a log of the things that we learn and the experiences that we have on the programme. It is intended that this log will form a part of the documentation that will contribute to our UKCP registration - I intend to try for this in October but am coming to the conclusion that October 1999 is likely to be more sensible. Time and experience will tell.

It could be simply that I'll do it for registration purposes and forget it soon after. But during our discussion last weekend I thought that part of the problem with NLP is that the early days are not recorded. We have no insight into exactly what Bandler, Grinder and others were doing or what their purpose was and I would guess that now we never will. A participant of the course, Clive said that once he understood something that was it. There was no point in writing it down. Whilst I agree with him in part I also believe that "community" requires some shared experience and history - stories that describe and go some way to explain how we got to wherever 'here' is.

My audience for this log is beyond just the examiners for the registration. I hope it'll be for people in the future to provide some insight. Insight in to:

	The NLP psychotherapy course and my development.
	My thoughts about the issues that are reaised by the course and the other participants and the experiences that we bring to the course.
	My experience as a gay man practising NLP.
	Other ideas I've yet to think about.

Recently my husband Roy (or partner, significant other, better half et c) has been researching the genealogy of our families. In a similar way I hope that this log will provide me with a map of my journey and others with a tree of experience with which to compare their own learning.

Interestingly, in a recent discussion of my practise of therapy with my supervisor, he suggested that I write down my process of therapy. He said that others would probably benefit with the beliefs that I have about therapy and how I carry out my work in a practical way. I hope to achieve this or go someway to it the log.

I'll try to write this with as little editing as possible and yet attempt to avoid a stream of consciousness that could be meaningless. To begin I'll need to look back to January 1998 and the start of this particular course and some of the events that have led me to it.

It would be possible to fill the next fifteen or twenty pages with background and history. But don't worry I have no intention of doing that - just yet. Instead I will stick to the NLP aspects of my life and I am sure that the rest will raise its head at various points as we go along. I attended the 1990 annual ANLP Conference to find a trainer for my Practitioner certification. My partner had been in therapy with Eileen Watkins-Seymour and we had both been impressed with the results that had been achieved and the process that was taken.

I had been introduced to Eileen by a colleague of mine at the London Borough of Barnet. Ian was a trainer there and we both had ideas about how local government could, indeed should, develop. Neither of us particularly liked the culture but it was early in my career and I had no real idea about where I as headed. After all, I arrived at Barnet because the Greater London Council had just been abolished and I had had been transferred to Barnet under a management trainee scheme. So I was introduced to Eileen and then some time later having left Barnet and joined the NHS Roy decided that therapy was necessary for him.

The experience that Roy had led me to the conclusion that I really should find out more about this NLP thing. The annual ANLP Conference seemed a great place to start. It was there that I saw a few trainers that I put me off NLP and one that practised in a way that agreed with me and my view of my world. It was a year later that I studied with Ian McDermott at ITS and I gained my NLP Practitioner certification.

The major principle that I learned during that training was that I needed time to integrate the principles of NLP. I also learned or came to realise that is more than a tool-box of strategies. I began to take on board NLP as more of a philosophy of life - a way of being. It was a few years later in 1995 that I took the next stage and gained my Master Practitioner certification, again with Ian at ITS. The universe had a trick up its sleeve for me in 1996, in fact it had many and dealt them out with cunning regularity. However, the 1996 card was one that will take some beating.

All through 1996 I had been looking for a development in my career, such as it was. I calculated that my NHS employment would last two years maybe three if I was lucky. I began to apply for other jobs. My first applications were in the NHS but half way through one particular interview I thought "I don't want to be here." The interview fell apart after that but I felt strangely calm and happy. I decided that I wouldn't look to the NHS for further employment - it wasn't where I wanted to be.

There was then a choice that I saw. For sometime I had wanted to set up my own practice. In my map a practice needed a sound financial base and a foundation of clients from which to grow. With Roy I planned to work in the voluntary sector and develop a client base from working in the evenings and at weekends. In fact I had had a stab at this in 1992. Taking advice from an accountant that had Roy used in his computer contracting days we both came to the conclusion that the time wasn't right. Further, a that time I was having a great deal experience in NHS. This was providing me with contact through training and through client contact. During those days a number of friends were kind enough to allow me to practice my skills with them and I provided voluntary services to the Aids charity the Immune Development Trust.

So I applied for a number of jobs. Then in late 1996 I applied for the Director post advertised by the Globe Centre, a centre for People with Aids in the East End of London. I said to Roy that if I was not offered this job I would take the hint from the Universe and we would think seriously about setting up a practice. This could have been the card that was played but it wasn't - I was short listed, interviewed but not selected for the post. Events were directing me to a different root - clearly not in the NHS and it would seem not in the HIV/Aids world either.

It was in early December that the joker was played. Right in the midst of a number of public events for World Aids Week I went into Ealing General Hospital with appendicitis - at 4.30am. Appendicitis is a common occurrence except that although I went into hospital on December 4th I didn't come out until December 24th - after two major operations. NLP experience helped both myself and Roy through the events of those three weeks.

There is whole story around that stay in hospital and the related events afterwards, but this is not the place for it. Suffice it to say that I returned to work at Kingston and Richmond Health Authority on February 17th 1997 - some 10 weeks after I went into hospital. It was just two weeks later that the hand was finally played - I was informed that my contract would not be renewed. In three months time and after 11 years I would have no further job in the NHS.

Crisis, panic, fear, anger are all emotions that I didn’t have. My expectations had been fulfilled. Being down and vulnerable those much more insecure than me had taken the opportunity to strike. As with my hospital experience there is a whole chapter, possibly a book about this event, that could be taken up but again this is not the place.

Decision time.